Someone claiming to be an anonymous White House insider has posted a treasure trove of dirt on the people highest up in the Bush Administration. The details are so bizarre that I can’t fathom anyone having the imagination to make them up. The guy has a killer sense of humor. This is the most enjoyable read I’ve had in a long, long time.

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2006/4/12/24219/8100

I guess I’m obliged to post a sampling. It’s all so good that it’s hard to choose. A lot of it is laugh-out-loud funny.

Everyone loves how Condi smells and we do anything we can to sniff her while she isn’t looking. If I knew what perfume she wears, I would simply soak a sock in it and writhe in orgasmic ecstasy without having to stalk her everywhere she goes. After she shook hands with Putin, he sniffed his hand again and again. Her aroma is heavenly and legendary throughout the world.

I don’t know if she’s on to the fact that everyone is sniffing at her, but tons of us are doing it, and it’s very difficult not to bust up when I catch someone else doing it. Everyone loves her enchanting aroma.

I’ve seen her greet foreign dignitaries from a distance, and invariably their hand goes to their nose, it is f***ing uncanny. The rumor is that this is either some KGB perfume or something the CIA cooked up to make her irresistible. Maids comment on it. Cooks comment on it the kitchen staff and sniffs her used napkins. Everyone is in on this thing except for her. We all know everyone else is doing it. It is the most massive government conspiracy I have yet known, and I suspect it goes all the way to the top.

But there’s one thing he says that rings all too true. This should be some news magazine’s quote of the year for 2006.

Democracy as a government relies upon the ability of factions to compromise on divisive issues through rational debate instead of violence. The current political power brokers have figured out how to short circuit this process by focusing national attention on issues which are based on differences of non-negotiable, irrational moral sentiment, and are thus not subject to resolution through rational reconciliation. They’ve broken democracy.

An MIT student accused of copyright infringement has been documenting her struggles with the RIAA. Upon trying to negotiate her settlement, a representative told her “the RIAA has been known to suggest that students drop out of college or go to community college in order to be able to afford settlements.” Is this justice or insanity?

I’m blogging this from Digg.com, and it reminds me of something I’ve been thinking about lately.

Now, we all know podcasters who point to stories like this one as proof that the RIAA is evil, and I agree with them.

Here’s where I disagree with those same podcasters: when they’re unapologetic pot smokers. If you criticize or advocate a boycott of the RIAA because of their evil practices, then you can’t in the same breath extol the virtues of marijuana. The industry that supplies the demand for recreational drugs is FAR, FAR more evil than the RIAA could ever be. Unless your stash is homegrown, then lighting up during a podcast is soundvertising for what has to be the most evil industry in existence.

Yeah, we all know who I’m talking about. And please, I’m not mentioning this to invite ya’ll to a Podfather piñata party. Aside from this issue I think he’s a decent guy. I just think it’s ironic that people can work themselves into a tizzy over him using the Lord’s name in vain, yet overlook the fact that he’s shilling for the drug cartels more often than he does for Phillips.

And to make this post Japan-related: Marajuana’s just as illegal here as herion. If you’re caught, you’re in deep trouble.

read more | digg story

Sometimes it’s nobody’s fault in particular, but sometimes things in life fall into place to create a big, juicy shit sammich, and sometimes you’ve got no other choice but to hold your nose and chow down. And guess what, bitching about it doesn’t improve the flavor any.

You guys are SO nice. 99.99% of you. I’ve heard from hunderds of listeners, and I’m amazed that only 2-3 of them were asshats. You’ve renewed my faith in humanity. Truth be told, my “secret happy thought” when I’m feeling down is about the really nice people I hear from.

Being sorta, kinda world famous in a weird, new, Internettish kind of way is nice. On a scale of 1 to 10, for me it’s around a “3.” I think people who put any more value into it are delusional. What really makes me happy is making others happy. Even if it’s people I don’t know from Adam, because some of those people, well, I do know them from Adam now.

It’s funny, this is my podcast but I don’t think of it in terms of me. In fact, I’m not attached to it at all. I can leave it go for a month and not miss it. That’s not good. I feel bad about it because I know there are people out there who really like it.

So look at it from my point of view. It’s like I’m in a serious relationship with someone who’s a fine human being in her own right, but I’m just not that much into her, and if I were going to feel like I loved her and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, I would have felt that way by now. I want to end the relationship, but her entire family is soooo nice, we’ve grown attached to each other, and I have nothing against them and don’t want to hurt their feelings.

How do I solve this dilemma? Why, I crawl under a rock and disappear, of course!

It’s as if you guys are the family, and podcasting is the girlfriend I want to dump. She’s emotionally needy. She costs me money. The sex has lost its sizzle. I have other things to do, like learn how to program in Ruby on Rails. Also, there’s the thing about my wife and family not being too keen about me spending time with the mistress. Tony and Andy in particular don’t even like it when she pays attention to them. I don’t know why they feel that way, but more and more I feel like I should respect their right to privacy as much as anyone else’s.

There are other issues too that cropped up recently, but I can’t open my life up completely to total strangers. Politics, in a way. Just so you don’t think that I’m disapparing because I’m a wanted felon or I got myself into trouble with an errant discharge of reproductive fluids.

If there’s ever a new podcasting delivery service that works like a “Friends Only” Livejournal blog, maybe I’ll start shittin’ out new shows. The way it is now, I’m just too uncomfortable with being this exposed. It’s downright risky, and I’m not willing to accept the consequences. Frankly, I’m worried about going off on some stream-of-consciousness tangent that leads to me either getting fired or being turned down from some future job. (Because if my boss ever got hit by a truck, I’d be out of a job. It’s not that I’m looking to jump ship. I just want to clarify that. See how careful you have to be when you talk in public?)

Have I made myself clear? I love being able to reach out to people and finding out later that something I’ve said or done had a positive effect on someone far away. I love sharing the joy I experience as the father of two wonderful little kids. So many of you are just so, gosh-darned nice…

…but I don’t enjoy podcasting. It stresses me out; not because there’s anything inherently wrong with podcasting, but because…well, let’s face it, I’m a flawed human being. (Just like you, you asshat. Yes, you. So get over it already.) It’s been fun too at times, but more and more I think we all need to move on.

By the way, I did finally figure out why people like my podcast. It became crystal clear when I discovered the miscellaneous mischievous misadventures of missbhavens. If in some alternate universe she and I lived in the same building or used the same laundrymat, I’d hope we’d become friends. See, here’s another one of those instances where you have to be really careful of what you say, or you come off sounding creepy. You can’t just say the first thing that comes to mind like, “Had I know 10 years ago that women with personalities like hers existed, I would have shopped around more before getting married.” But that’s the way things often come out when you’ve voluntarily bugged yourself like a split-personality paparazzi stalker/celebrity and you talk to yourself aloud as you walk to work alone.

A while back, a Washington Times reporter overheard Dick Cheney talking with a Pentagon official at a Republican fund rasing event. It’s been making the rounds on the Interent for quite some time now.

Naturally the common people don’t want war, but the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger.

So, for those of you not familiar with this quote, I wonder how many of you would say to yourselves, “I’m not at all surprised Cheney would say something like that when the cameras aren’t rolling.”

Here’s what is surprising. Cheney didn’t say it. I made that up. It’s a paraphrase of a conversation that Hermann Goering, a high ranking Nazi official tried at Nuremberg, had with Gustave Gilbert, an intelligence officer who later published a book of his conversations with prisoners. Here’s the full quote:

We got around to the subject of war again and I said that, contrary to his attitude, I did not think that the common people are very thankful for leaders who bring them war and destruction.

“Why, of course, the people don’t want war,” Goering shrugged. “Why would some poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best that he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece. Naturally, the common people don’t want war; neither in Russia nor in England nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship or a Parliament or a Communist dictatorship.”

“There is one difference,” I pointed out. “In a democracy the people have some say in the matter through their elected representatives, and in the United States only Congress can declare wars.”

“Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country.”

It would be impossible to try to pass that quote off as something George Bush said. Seriously, it’s far too articulate.

Every time I hear Bush or Cheney bring up 9/11 when defending their reason for invading Iraq, I remember that quote. So I thought I’d share it with ya’ll.

Sorry to make so many people worry. I should have put up a post sooner.